Infidelity is such a touchy subject because people can be unfaithful in many ways outside of just a physical relationship. A partner simply flirting with other people or being emotionally untrue can strain relationships. In some cases, the relationship can’t recover after infidelity; however, in other cases, according to Esther Perel—a New York psychotherapist—if couples find a way to work through the pain, they can actually come out the other end with a stronger, more successful relationship. Your relationship will evolve through the healing process, but hopefully, if you can manage to stick it out, your relationship will be better than “normal.”
Stop the lies.
In order to get back to normal, you first have to find the root of the problem. In other words, you need to be able to prove that your partner is being unfaithful. If your partner continues to lie and cheat, you’ll never be able to move past this point in time and have an honest conversation. If you’re not sure how to catch a cheater, the first place to look is your partner’s phone.
It may initially feel like a violation of privacy, but it might be necessary to go through his or her contacts to solve this situation. Once you have access to their phone, use GoLookUp—an online information search engine—to check that everyone in their contacts is who your partner has labeled. If you find a contact that doesn’t match GoLookUp—for example, maybe your partner has their sibling listed twice, and one of the contacts is for someone you don’t know—you might be onto something.
Once you have evidence, you can have a heart-to-heart. Despite how you’re feeling, attempt to stay calm. If you want to be able to fix your relationship, you need your partner to receptive to what you have to say. Approaching it as calmly as possible will hopefully lessen their defensiveness.
Normal won’t happen overnight.
Change doesn’t happen overnight. It would be nice if it did, but it takes work and time. Infidelity wounds probably won’t heal by themselves and may require professional attention, just like any other injury. Finding a great therapist after infidelity is key to building back trust.
Your therapist should remain a neutral third party to help you navigate this difficult time. You will want someone who can empathize with the partner who cheated because empathy will make them feel heard and keep them working towards the betterment of your relationship. Have a little faith in the process, even when it’s hard. You might be surprised to find a new, deeper understanding of your partner that will carry on for many, many years.
If the person who cheated isn’t going to put the work in to make your relationship better, there may come a time when you just need to move on. If you and your partner were married, you may find your life complicated by the logistics of detangling your marriage.
Even if you’re not positive that you’re going to finalize, you might want to take out a supplemental health insurance policy while you’re going through divorce proceedings. If you rely on your partner’s work for health insurance, you will most likely no longer be covered after the divorce. You don’t want to come out the other end of a bad relationship uncovered, so make sure you’re preparing early by investigating supplemental health insurance plans.
With Health Quote Gurus, you can get free insurance quotes and affordable health care all online. Knowing that you’re covered during this time is one less thing you need to feel stressed about, and could save you a lot of money if an unexpected health need arises.